The ABCs of Discernment

At this time of the year, we of course attempt to make our New Year’s resolutions. We think about what needs to be corrected in our life from the past year. This process of reevaluation, of course, is not a new approach to life. It’s natural to want to become better and to take the necessary steps to make that happen. In ordinary parlance, we call this decision-making or simply reflection. In the area of faith, this is called “discernment.”

Almost forty years ago, I was just beginning my ministry as a Catholic priest and I went to a workshop on vocation ministry. I soon met a young man who played music for our Masses. One morning after Mass he approached and asked to talk with me. We sat outside on a bench under a large tree, surrounded by the beauty of nature – a truly peaceful place. With some urgency he told me his story. He has always been a very religious man and was married a few years ago and now has two little children. He spoke to me about his being led by God to become married. He seemed to be a prayerful person but he was, on that day, very troubled.

 

He stated that he had been discerning what God wanted him to do and he shared that his life was now “too complicated.” He felt that God was calling him to bring his musical talents and preach the Word to people. With immediate concern I asked him, “But what about your wife and children? How do they fit into this plan?” He stated that God had helped him discern that, for some mysterious reason, he needed to leave them behind.

Now very alarmed, I tried to calmly describe to him how true discernment works. First, you pray and ask God for guidance. Second, you never discern alone! You talk with friends and even a counselor about your options and you carefully weigh their consequences. Third, you make a prudent decision that others affirm. And, finally, you test your decision and evaluate what results this decision brings.

I told him that it’s very easy to rush to a decision alone and then feel a sense of calm. But the problem is, this calmness may only come from your having made “a” decision, possibly not the best one! I began to ask him about what things had changed recently in his life. I asked him about his feelings about being a father of two young children, about his wife in these still-new experiences they were sharing. As we talked, I got the definite sense that he was feeling overwhelmed and was actually running away from several things and decided “for” anything that would take him away from his present challenges. After a bit more sharing, he heard what I was pointing out and went away surprised and upset that I was questioning his “discernment” process.

How do we discern? It’s easy to criticize that young man but many of us have made some terrible decisions in our life and perhaps saw the error of our ways only after many years had passed. Discernment is not easy and must be done with patience, perception, common sense and with the help of others. I would also add that prayer should also be a necessary element of any decision-making process. We should be asking for God’s input, not a mere affirmation of what we think is best for us.

The book of Proverbs (2:1-5) says it well: “My son, if you receive my words and treasure my commands, Turning your ear to wisdom, inclining your heart to understanding; Yes, if you call to intelligence, and to understanding raise your voice; If you seek her like silver, and like hidden treasures search her out: Then … the knowledge of God you will find.” Our question should actually be, “What is God’s true will for us?”