Children Need A Place to Stand

In my nearly 40 years of Catholic priestly ministry, I have come to appreciate two important facts: first, that we all need a “place to stand” (a family and a faith community in which we learn about living and believing) and second, we all have the freedom to choose a faith community where we will live out our faith.

Years ago I remember speaking with a psychologist who told me that she didn’t like the fact that some parents chose to bring their children up with no church affiliation. They would tell her: “Then they can choose which religion they will practice as adults.” She felt that this was a fallacy. In a very forthright tone she said: “Children need to grow up in a family, in a faith, in a neighborhood, a town that gives their children a solid and consistent experience of living and believing.” Only then, during adolescence or later, can they choose who they are and how they will live their lives—whether we like it or not.” I agree wholeheartedly.

The famous poet, John Donne, said it well: “No man is an island, entire of itself” (Meditation XVII) Although nothing in this world is perfect, we all need a family—a parent or parents or an adult, relatives, close friends—among whom we grow up and learn about how to live and relate and believe.

Donne goes on to say: “any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.” This too I applaud because it reminds us that we, as humans, are all connected. We should care about each other and not merely live alongside others.

The ancient African proverb reminds us: “It takes a village…” In other words, a child needs many different groups of people among whom to grow and prosper. One person simply can’t give a child everything. This is true of family as well as of a faith community, be it in a temple, an assembly or a church.

We gather in a faith community and no one person can give all that a child needs. Perhaps one person is very good at meeting and greeting, another is talented in getting volunteers, still another has the talent of gathering people to pray, another teaches with the very conviction of God. All are needed. In Chronicles 22: 15, it speaks about “every type of craftsman” and St. Paul adds that “there are different gifts but the same Spirit… To each person the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good” (1 Cor. 12:4,8).

Parents are central to any family but they often have it tough these days. Sometimes one parent will try to be both mother and father. But parents certainly can’t be good parents all alone! They may even need God’s help more than their children! So faith should be a “cradle to grave” reality for young and old alike.

I have been told by countless parents that “my children grown up so fast. I don’t know where the time goes!” Since that is often the case, we need to help our children deal with all of life’s most important gifts and challenges—including belief in God for whom “nothing is impossible” (Luke 1:36).

Our faith is probably one of the most vulnerable areas that adults can share with their children. Note I said “share with their children”, not only tell them what they should do. Unfortunately I have met parents whose mantra is “Don’t do as I do; just do as I say.” In other words, the parent or parents don’t make the time to worship so they bring their children and drop them off at church while they go shopping or read the paper. These parents are missing the chance to put their money where their mouth is; to lead by example. They probably don’t realize that they teach more by who they are and what they do than by what they say.

Children need a place to stand; they need supportive surroundings, a parent who not only talks the talk, but walks the walk—with their child. When problems come—and they certainly will—the parents need to get their act together about their own faith life.

Consistency, good example and supportive surroundings will help their children bloom where they are planted—firmly in the soil of the earth, warmed by the caring and love of parents, family and friends and, of course, of God, the Divine Parent of us all.