Family Life in India

While on a trip back home in India for a vacation, Fr. William Kaliyadan, MS, who is pastor of Sacred Heart Church in Lebanon, NH, sent me these reflections about family life in India.

Yes, getting together with my family is great, and the food is delicious. But I am trying to be careful. Otherwise, I might have to pay for it after my vacation by spending extra time on the treadmill! Last couple of days I have been accompanying my Dad to his coconut and banana plantation and helping him with few things. He loves to explain the history of each crop and takes pride in his production.

My mother loves for me to take her places she has not been to for some time. (May be I should try getting her back into the kitchen! She has had some help during my stay, so she does not often go to the kitchen.) She just loves to ride with me when we go to visit relatives and she proudly presents her son who has returned home. My three sisters-in—law are extremely happy for my return. According to them this is the only time of the year they find their husbands coming home right after their office hours. It becomes a bonding time as we share a little cocktail before dinner. Last night they talked me into inviting them to the States for a visit. I hope it can happen sometime in 2007.

It looks like two of my cousins are planning to have their weddings towards the end of January or by the beginning of next month. Since my vacation will end by the fourth week, I will have to miss one of the weddings.
 
Marriages in India are culturally and regionally diverse. A South Indian marriage is a simple and sober day-long affair. In contrast, a North Indian marriage can be a rambunctious and lively event, lasting anywhere from two to seven days. I am from South India – a State called Kerala, which means “the land of coconuts.” Because of its tropical beauty and 100% literacy rateit is also called “God’s own country.” In South India the wedding date is fixed almost at the drop of a hat. No dating and no courting! No telephone calls or no on-line chats before marriage! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! One of the cousins, who is planning to get married, is a registered nurse and has obtained a green card for USA. She plans to leave for Florida in March and so wanted to get married before her departure. This opened the door for proposals from young men who are seeking a wife. Almost 100% of marriage proposals are entertained only if they are from men from the same religious background. Most of the time when making the decision, family status and reputation are taken into consideration as well. A professional matchmaker proposed for my cousin a bridegroom who is a computer software engineer. (Professional matchmakers are easy to find these days. Some of them even have computerized offices with “harmony.com!”) In the presence of representatives from both families the perspective bridegroom and my cousin met for few minutes in one of their homes. Although they had never met before they liked each other! (This does not happen always and so a young lady can be visited at her home by many young men. This was my cousin’s 15th proposal!) God must have put some kind of love chip in their hearts to let them know that they were made for each other because this time they liked each other. That pleased the families as well, and they gave the green light. From this point on, the rest of the leg work for the wedding is done by the two families. The bride and groom do not have to worry about a single thing.
 
As mentioned above, before finalizing a wedding it is customary for the families to inquire about each other’s reputation. Once expectations are satisfied and agreed upon, the decision is taken and a date set for the wedding. Everything has happened in about 10-20 minutes during visitations to the bride’s and the groom’s families! The beauty of this strange arrangement is that such weddings are not just about a young lady and a young man tying the knot sacramentally but about two families entering into a relationship through this marriage. It’s like they are getting married too! The miracle of this union is that from 90-95% of marriages of this kind last, and make us believe that “couples are made in heaven” and they are meant to live together forever.
 
Although I am on vacation, the parish priest here grabs every opportunity to give me some ministry. Right now, he has asked me to cover for him for a week so he could take a break. This will be a good time for me to connect with my own town people and with young people. So even during my vacation I have opportunities to continue “pastoring!”

Oooops my mother just knocked on my door. She discovered that I am up early – 3:30AM – writing this e-mail. Even though she has not been in the kitchen for a while, she offered to make coffee. She is so sweet!